I just finished re-reading my posts from the past week, and realized that my readers might think that I have nothing better to do than complain about things here in Germany. Well, I must admit I have been feeling grumpy off and on about Germany the last few months and until last night I really couldn't explain why.
I am currently unemployed in Germany and the other day, quite by accident, I came across an advertisement for a library job in the States that sounded like a dream.
In all honesty, I did put my career as a librarian on hold to move here and be with my husband and while I enjoyed learning German last year, I have felt aimless since I finished in August. From what I have been able to learn, being a librarian in Germany is not quite the same as being a librarian in the USA, and in all honesty, I am still a bit unsure of my (German) language skills. I have applied for some library jobs here, but so far I haven't had any luck, and this has made me feel a bit down.
So the other day when I came across the "dream job" coupled with my current state of unemployed aimlessness, I naturally began wondering if the choice I made to come here was the right one and I started pondering the idea of getting a job at home and leaving this behind. In all honesty I have been pretty miserable the last few days with the whole mess.
I love my husband and don't want to be without him, but I also want my career back. I guess you could say that I want my cake and I want to eat it too. :) Last night after he fell asleep, I kept going over the two situations in my mind, which left me unable to sleep. In order to combat the problem, I decided to surf the web a little bit and see if that could either A.) solve my problems or B.) at least make me sleepy.
And what do you know what I found? Through the maze of the web, I stumbled upon some articles about "Culture Shock." Things started to clear up a bit for me. Could I, perhaps, be suffering from culture shock? I remember when I was studying French in college and was getting ready for my junior year abroad we talked about culture shock, and I tried to remember everything I could about it.
I had forgotten that culture shock doesn't just apply to foreigners coming to the U.S. or to Americans that are going to very exotic cultures like China, India, or Africa. It can also happen to Americans living in Western Europe (and vice versa). I guess I had forgotten this because there are so many similarities between America and Western Europe that it doesn't seem all that different.
However, as I read, I realized that I identified with many of the symptoms. For example, a major symptom is sadness, loneliness, and melancholy. I have been sad and melancholy and even though I do have my husband, I haven't made any other friends here and do feel quite lonely a lot. Another symptom can be insomnia or desire to sleep too much or too little. I have always liked sleeping (in fact I have been known to joke that it is my favorite hobby), but it seems like now I want to sleep all the time. Loss of identity and/or lack of confidence can also be symptoms. This one was a bit hard to swallow, because I have always prided myself on my self-confidence, but I don't feel as confident in things anymore and often I feel that my only identity is that of A's wife. (OUCH! That one really hurts!) And finally, exaggerated cleanliness can also be a symptom. Why, I don't know, but I am afraid I fall into that category. I am not a slob and have always had a bit of a clean streak to me, but my husband has often asked why I have become more extreme since we came here. Since we haven't been married that long I thought maybe I was doing it to be a perfect wife, but now I wonder...
Of course, this is by all means not a complete list of Culture Shock Symptoms, but they are the ones I identified with. I have decided that it is time for me to learn more about culture shock, if it is truly effecting me, and if so, how to combat it.
However, I came to the conclusion that I still want to examine the ups and downs of living abroad here in my blog and think it might be a good way to help in my transition here. So, what better name for my blog than "Culture Shock?"
CULTURE SHOCK! part 2 will examine the different stages of Culture Shock
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