Helen Homemaker

Today I went to see The Stepford Wives. Quick plot summary: This super-successful career woman gets fired from her job, has a nervous breakdown, and then moves to the suburbs of Connecticut with her husband and two kids. However, there is something weird about the community of Stepford.... the wives are all 1950s Helen Homemaker perfect! I won't say anything more about the movie here because I don't want to spoil it if you haven't seen it, but it got me to thinking about the whole "Helen Homemaker" persona and things I have often pondered since I got married and don't work.

As I have mentioned before, I never planned on not having to work my adult life. However, because of circumstances that I chose, I have taken a break from working and now am (if truth be told) only half-heartedly looking for a job. Presently, I don't mind not working. But that wasn't always the case. When I decided to move in with (and later marry) A., I up and quit my job with no promise of a new job on the horizon. It was a big and scary step. I was scared he would eventually resent me for not working, and I was terrified of losing my independence and identity. We talked and talked about it and finally A. convinced me that he didn't mind if I didn't work and wanted to take care of me. He also convinced me that while financially I would be dependent on him that didn't prevent me from being independent. I wrestled with the decision, but in the end I chose (excuse the sap) to take a chance on love.

My girlfriends quizzed me relentlessly when I told them this. They wanted to know if he truly didn't care one way or another whether or not I worked or if he was a traditional European man and in actuality didn't want me to work. I was amazed that they stuck this traditional European macho-man stereotype on him, when most American men I know are much more traditional in that sense than European men I have known. Since then when he grills me about what I really want to do in life and where I want to go, I have unfairly accused him of not wanting me to work. Honestly, I don't think this is true at all. He is just trying to help me with my decisions, but when he says something I don't want to hear, I guess I start grasping at straws.

Yet, when I see this movie and think about it, it is definitely I question I wonder about: Deep down inside, do men (no matter what nationality, race, age, etc.) want their woman (wife or otherwise) to stay home, look beautiful, cook, clean, and live only as an extension of them? Of course nowadays, it is very politically incorrect to even mention these things, but is it there?

One thing I do notice is that even though we are married, A. does still care about my appearance. Most days I wear comfortable clothes around the house and only wear makeup and fancy shoes when I go out. But unless we are going somewhere together, he doesn't see me then. So when he comes home on a day that I have been out and about, he always makes a comment about how nice I look. The compliments are nice, but inevitably they are always followed by, "Why don't you dress nicely more often?" I am not offended by the question and it is true... I do dress sloppily when I am not going anywhere or doing anything. I should look nice not only for him, but also myself, more often.

However, he has also acknowledged my difficulty at being a housewife. At first I tried to make him three square meals a day and keep the house spotless while looking beautiful. It was driving me mad and making me depressed. One day when it was just too much I exploded and in the end I found out he is much more concerned that I am happy and healthy than whether or not I vacuum the carpet every Wednesday.

I guess the only way I will ever be the perfect "Helen Homemaker" is if I am turned into the "Housewife Robot 2004". Luckily for me, A. doesn't want a robot for a wife. :)